Absolutely Normal Chaos Read online

  Well, that was a good sign. “So where are you going?”

  Long pause by Carl Ray. Finally he told his sandwich, “Don’t rightly know.”

  “Well,” I said to Carl Ray, “didn’t you ask Dad for some suggestions?”

  “Nope.”

  “Why not?”

  “Don’t rightly know.”

  Tommy started banging on the table with his cup and going, “Ha! Ha!” and then he would look at us and say, “Ha! Ha!” as if he was practicing how to laugh.

  In the middle of this, Carl Ray sat there, eating his sandwich in slow motion, chewing and chewing and staring down at his plate as if we weren’t even there.

  I said, “You could look in the newspaper.”

  “Where’s that at?” he said.

  “The newspaper?”

  “Yeah.”

  I went and got it and showed him where the help wanted section was. “What sort of thing are you looking for?”

  “Don’t rightly know.”

  “It’s kind of hard to look for a job when you don’t know what you’re looking for, Carl Ray. Maybe you should go downtown and walk along the street and look for signs that say ‘Help Wanted.’” He looked up at me and nodded. “You should probably go now, or you won’t have time to see many places.” He nodded. “Do you know how to get downtown?” He didn’t.

  So I showed him how to go and told him what he should probably say, and then I told him he should probably change his clothes since he was still wearing the same clothes he had arrived in, and then I told him what sort of clothes to wear, but he said he didn’t have a tie, so I asked him to show me exactly what he did have and it was pitiful: two T-shirts and two pairs of jeans and the shoes he had on.

  After he left, I went up and made his stupid bed.

  Then I took Tommy and Dougie to the pool, even though it was really Maggie’s day to watch Tommy. I could tell she was going to be useless all day, as long as the phone was working. But swimming wasn’t bad because Dougie and I were teaching Tommy how to swim and he’s so funny. All he really wants to do is jump off the edge and have us catch him. We finally got him to put his head under by missing him a few times.

  Beth Ann met us up there. She has a new bathing suit. It’s all white and you can tell she thinks she is really something in it. I didn’t want to tell her, but you can practically see through it when it’s wet. I’ll tell her some other time.

  While we were sitting on our towels during break time, I looked up and saw, of all people, Alex Cheevey on the outside, leaning against the fence. He was looking at us, so I got up and went over to him.

  “You looking for somebody?” I said.

  “Oh. Not really.”

  “Visiting the Murphys again?”

  “Huh?”

  “Your friends the Murphys—on Winston Road?”

  “Oh. Them. Yuh.”

  “Are they here at the pool?”

  Alex looked around. “Don’t think so.”

  “Oh.” When I talk with Alex, I always feel like I’m missing something, like I don’t hear all the words. “How was the party?”

  “Party?”

  “Christy’s party. Didn’t you go?”

  “Oh. Yeah. It was okay. Sort of boring.”

  Alex was wearing these cute blue shorts and a T-shirt with “Ohio State University” printed on it. He asked me who I was with.

  “You mean here, at the pool?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Dougie and Tommy, my brothers, well two of them. And Beth Ann. She’s over there, see?” Beth Ann was stretched out on her back, with one knee bent and her hand behind her head. She can really overdo it sometimes.

  “Do you come here every day?” he asked.

  “Well, nearly. Don’t they have a pool over where you live?” All of these towns have a community pool, and since we live in Easton, we go to the Easton pool. Alex lives in Norton.

  “Oh. Yeah.”

  “I think you can use a Norton pass here, if you pay twenty-five cents extra. If you wanted to come here, I mean.”

  “Yeah. Well, I might someday.”

  And then the whistle blew, meaning break was over, and I had to go watch Tommy or he would drown.

  Carl Ray magically appeared at dinnertime again. Just as we were putting the food on the table, in he comes and sits right down in the “special” seat. I suppose he thinks that’s his seat now. As usual, he didn’t volunteer any information. In fact, he didn’t say one word until finally, after Carl Ray had had three helpings of meat loaf, three helpings of corn, and two helpings of potatoes (he would have had more, I bet, but they were all gone), Dad said, “So tell us, Carl Ray, how did the job hunting go?”

  Every single one of us looked at Carl Ray, who shrugged his shoulders. We all looked back at Dad, who looked at my mom like it was her turn. She said, “Does that mean you didn’t find anything?” We all looked at Carl Ray.

  He nodded. He was pretty busy stuffing food into his mouth.

  Dad said, “Does that mean yes, you did not find anything?”

  Carl Ray nodded again.

  It was getting to be like a tennis match, with us all looking down at Carl Ray’s end of the table and then back up at Mom and Dad and then back to Carl Ray.

  About this time, Maggie makes her move. “Dad, would you like me to get you another glass of water?”

  Dad says, “Sure.”

  Maggie says, “Anything else I can get you while I’m up?”

  Dougie says, “Well, I’d like another glass…”

  But Maggie just glared at him and went in the kitchen. While she was gone, Dennis starts mimicking her, saying, in this real sweet voice, “Mary Louuuuu, is there anything I can get for youuuu?” and then, of course, he starts laughing and I start laughing and my dad tells us to be quiet and watch our manners.

  After dinner, I heard Dad talking to Carl Ray about where to look for a job and what to say and how to act when he went in. Carl Ray just listened. Then Dad came into the kitchen and said to Mom, “Doesn’t that boy know how to talk?”

  Mom said, “Doesn’t seem so.”

  “It could drive a person crazy.”

  “He’s your relative.”

  Dennis and I went out to play spud with Cathy and Barry Furtz. Cathy and Barry are twins and they’re Dennis’s age. They’re pretty nice, but I don’t think Mr. Furtz likes it when we play spud in the street. I bet the Furtzes are sorry they moved here. Cathy and Barry had to go in at eight o’clock to take a bath! So Dennis and I just sat on the curb awhile, throwing stones across to the other curb. Carl Ray snuck up on us the way he does. I swear, he’s a real spook sometimes. One minute it was just me and Dennis sitting on the curb, and then all of a sudden there was Carl Ray sitting next to Dennis.

  Then Mr. Furtz came out with his hose to water the lawn. Last week he offered me fifty cents to do it for him, though I sure don’t know why he doesn’t pay his own kids to do it. I don’t mind, though. Anyway, sure enough, he sees us sitting there and he strolls over and says, “Feel like earning some gold?” That’s what he calls fifty cents: gold.

  I said, “Sure, Mr. Furtz.”

  Mr. Furtz is an okay guy. He’s sort of funny-looking, all freckly and nearly bald, but he’s not that old, I mean he’s not an old man, maybe a little younger than my dad. Mr. Furtz bought the hardware store downtown, and when Dennis and I went in there the other day, he let us poke around behind the counter because there weren’t many customers in the store.

  Carl Ray is intrigued by the strangest things. While I was watering the Furtzes’ lawn, Carl Ray snuck up on me and said, “What’d you call him?”

  “Who?”

  “That man.”

  “Mr. Furtz?”

  Carl Ray said, “Furtz? How do you spell Furtz?” So I told him. “Furtz,” he said again. “Furtz.”

  Weird guy, this Carl Ray.

  When we all finally went inside, Maggie was getting Dad a dish of ice cream. She’s so obvious. Then she
sat on the couch and watched TV with everybody. Usually she doesn’t like to do that; she’s usually off with her friends or up washing her hair or painting her fingernails or something.

  Tuesday, June 19

  Not much happened today. About the biggest news is that I took Tommy over to Beth Ann’s, and she was strutting all over because her sister Judy is going to introduce her to her boyfriend’s brother and the four of them are going to the drive-in on Friday night. Beth Ann is thirteen (well, okay, so she’s almost fourteen) years old, not much older than me. Don’t you think that’s a little young to be going to a drive-in with a boy?

  Beth Ann is going to be hard to live with after this.

  And Carl Ray, by the way, still did not find a job.

  Wednesday, June 20

  It rained all day.

  Beth Ann called to tell me some more about Derek (that’s Judy’s boyfriend’s brother’s name). He is five feet seven inches tall, brown hair, and “gorgeous.” Beth Ann hasn’t seen him yet. That’s just what Judy says. Beth Ann must have described every single outfit in her closet, trying to decide what she should wear on Friday night.

  Carl Ray, surprise, surprise, did not find a job today.

  Thursday, June 21

  It is going to be difficult to decide who I should kill first: Maggie, Beth Ann, Dennis, or Carl Ray. To show you what I mean, pretend this is a play.

  (The scene: The kitchen of a normal house. A thirteen-year-old girl [Mary Lou] is washing the lunch dishes. Her seventeen-year-old sister [Maggie] is on the telephone, which hangs on the wall in the kitchen. A four-year-old boy sits at the kitchen table, splatting his hand in some spilled milk.)

  MAGGIE: (Pause.) Oh, Kenny, I’m just so happeeeeee. (Pause.) Yes, he did! I thought he might. (Pause.) We are still going, aren’t we? (Pause.) Kenny? (Pause.) What do you mean, you’re “not sure”? (Pause. Pause.)

  MARY LOU: Tommy, stop that!

  TOMMY: No!

  MAGGIE: And what is that supposed to mean? (Pause.) You invited Ellen in case? In case? In case of what?

  MARY LOU: Tommy, stop that!

  TOMMY: Noooo!

  MAGGIE: Well, just uninvite her then. (Pause.) Kenny? (Pause.) You’ll see what you can do? (Pause. Pause. Pause.)

  MARY LOU: Tommy…

  MAGGIE: Mary Lou, will you be quiet? I’m on the phone.

  MARY LOU: Surprise, surprise.

  MAGGIE: Yes Kenny, I’m still here. (Pause.) Fine. (Sarcastically:) I’ll just sit here and wait for you to let me know! (She hangs up the phone. To Mary Lou:) Couldn’t you keep quiet for five lousy minutes?

  MARY LOU: What’s your problem?

  MAGGIE: Oh, nothing. My life is just ruined, that’s all. (She runs out of the room, crying.)

  (Tommy continues to splat the milk. The phone rings. Mary Lou answers it.)

  MARY LOU: Finney residence, Mary Lou speaking. (Pause.) Oh, hi, Beth Ann. (Pause.) Oh. (Pause.) Really? (Pause.) Ah. (Pause.) Well…(Pause.) Maybe…(Long pause.) The blue blouse and the white skirt. (Pause.) Oh. (Pause.) Ah. (Pause.) The red blouse…. (Pause.) Oh. (Long pause.) Uh-huh. (Pause.) Yup. (Pause.) Glad I could be of some help. (She hangs up the phone.)

  (Tommy continues to splat the milk. The phone rings. Mary Lou answers it.)

  MARY LOU: Finney residence, Mary Lou speak—(Pause.) Oh, hello, Beth Ann.

  (Mary Lou’s brother Dennis, age twelve, enters, running, and stops behind Mary Lou, where he proceeds to pull on the phone cord and make faces.)

  MARY LOU: Stop it! (Pause.) No, I meant Dennis. Stop it! (Dennis doesn’t stop it.) He’s pulling on the stupid cord. (Pause.) Oh. The green blouse…. (Pause.) Ah. Stop it! (Pause.) No, I meant Dennis. He’s still pull—(Pause.) Oh, God. (Pause.) No, I’m not mad.

  DENNIS: (putting his mouth by the phone) You’re just jealllll-ous, Mar-eee Louuuuu.

  MARY LOU: (pushes Dennis away) Will you just STOP it? (Pause.) No, I meant…(Pause.) No, I am NOT jealous….

  (Scene fades out. Next scene opens as family is finishing dinner. Mary Lou, Maggie, Tommy, Dennis, their mother, their father, another brother—Dougie, age eight—and a cousin named Carl Ray, age seventeen, are at the table.)

  DENNIS: (to no one in particular) Mary Lou is jealous ’cause Beth Ann has a DATE.

  MARY LOU: Be quiet.

  MOTHER: Is that true, Mary Lou?

  MARY LOU: NO! God.

  MOTHER: Don’t say “God.” Beth Ann doesn’t have a date?

  DENNIS: She does too.

  MOTHER: Well, does she or doesn’t she, Mary Lou? Dennis, stop poking Dougie.

  FATHER: Carl Ray, did you get a job today?

  CARL RAY: Un-uh.

  FATHER: Does that mean no, you didn’t?

  CARL RAY: Uh-huh.

  FATHER: Does that mean yes it’s right that no…(He stops, looks at mother. He seems to be in pain.)

  (Scene fades to kitchen, where Mary Lou and Maggie are washing dishes while mother puts things in refrigerator.)

  MOTHER: Mary Lou, I want to talk to you about Carl Ray’s room.

  (Mary Lou keeps washing the dishes.)

  MOTHER: His bed looks like Tommy made it up.

  MARY LOU: He did.

  MOTHER: Tommy made it up?

  MARY LOU: Yup.

  MOTHER: And why was that?

  MARY LOU: What?

  MOTHER: Why did Tommy make up Carl Ray’s bed?

  MARY LOU: Don’t rightly know.

  MOTHER: Mary Lou Finney…

  MARY LOU: Okay, okay. Tommy made it up because I asked him to because I am sick and tired of cleaning up after that…

  MOTHER: Mary Lou Finney, you will make up our guest’s bed and you will clean his room. For the first two weeks he’s a guest. Remember?

  (Mother leaves room.)

  MARY LOU: Brother.

  (The phone rings. Maggie practically breaks her neck running to answer it.)

  MAGGIE: Finney residence, Maggie speaking. (Pause.) Oh, Angie…(Pause.) You talked to Ellen? Oh, good. What did she—(Pause.) And you told her about me and Kenny…. (Pause.) Oh, good. She is? He did? Oh, good. (Pause.) Okay, ’bye. (She hangs up, smiles. The phone rings and Maggie grabs it.)

  MAGGIE: Finney residence, Mag—(Pause. Sweetly.) Oh, hello Kenny. (Pause.) You did? (Pause.) You do? (Pause.) Well…(Pause.) I guess so.

  (Scene fades out.)

  And that’s just the way the day went.

  Friday, June 22

  Right now Beth Ann is probably still out on her big date. I’m going to have to hear every little detail tomorrow. Today I stopped over at her house and she modeled about fifteen outfits, still trying to decide what she was going to wear. Honestly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Guys never notice anyway. She finally decided on a red blouse and white slacks. I thought she looked a little fat in that outfit, but she was such a wreck that I didn’t dare say so.

  Then she messed around with her hair for about three hours, trying to decide whether it looked better up or down. At about four o’clock she said she had to take a bath and start getting ready. Derek and his brother were arriving at seven! I sure hope she had enough time.

  Maybe I am a little jealous, but also I am sort of happy for her, because she thinks this is such a big deal. I don’t think I would want to go out with someone I had never met before, though. I mean, what if you didn’t like the guy?

  I guess you could probably tell from the play I wrote yesterday that dear ole Maggie got permission from Dad to go to the big party on Saturday with Kenny. Cinderella Maggie has to be home at midnight, though.

  Today was Maggie’s day to watch Tommy, but she traded with me because she had to go out and buy a dress. Brother. She came home with this skin-eeee black dress that has almost no back.

  I think Carl Ray is putting on a few pounds (no wonder). Maybe he didn’t get fed at Aunt Radene’s. The biggest news of the day came at dinner, when Dad said, for about the millionth time, “So, Carl Ray, find a job today?”

  Carl Ray nodded
. We almost missed it, because we are so used to him saying “Un-uh” or “Nope.”

  Dad said, “Does that mean…”

  Mom said, “You got a…”

  And for the first time since Carl Ray arrived, he actually grinned. “Yup,” he said.

  Boy, did Dad look happy. “Well, now, that’s great news!”

  “Sure is, Carl Ray,” I said, and all around the table everyone was saying “Wow” and “Good” and “My, my.”

  Carl Ray kept grinning. He actually had to stop shoveling food into his mouth because he was grinning so much. This is how it went after that:

  DAD: So where is this new job?

  CARL RAY: Hardware store.

  MOM: Furtz’s Hardware?

  CARL RAY: Yup.

  DAD: Well!

  MOM: And what will you do there?

  CARL RAY: (after a pause) Don’t rightly know.

  DAD: You don’t know what your job entails?

  CARL RAY: (after a pause) Un-uh.

  MAGGIE: When do you start work, Carl Ray?

  CARL RAY: Monday.

  Do we sound like a boring family or what?

  Well, anyway, at least Carl Ray found a job and at least he knows when he starts.

  Saturday, June 23

  I can hardly believe it, but I’ve almost filled up this whole journal and I’ve only been writing two weeks! I went out and bought another one today because I like doing this. It makes it easier to go to bed at night, for some reason.

  Today was your regular Saturday: Got up late, good ole Alesci’s ham and hot bread for lunch (this time Mom didn’t make us wait for Carl Ray to hog it all first), waited around for Master Carl Ray to get up so I could make up his stupid bed (seven more days of this slavery), watched Carl Ray sit in front of the TV, went over to Beth Ann’s.

  Beth Ann was acting as if she’d just been crowned the Queen of Easton or something. I’d never seen her like that. When I went over there, she was lying on her bed dressed in one of her sister Judy’s flimsy nightgowns (pink nylon! aaargh), flipping through Seventeen. She didn’t even seem happy to see me.